I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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