brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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