I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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