I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
