You're my little dorito
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
