I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
