3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
