You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
