I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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