my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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