Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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