I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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