meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know her cup size but not her name....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
