Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
