i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
