I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
