OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
