I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
