Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
