So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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