Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
