I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
