My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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