I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
