I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you never un-have a 4some
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
