honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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