Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
