Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
