I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
