if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
