This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
