i was born a porn star she said
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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