If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
