I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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