why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
