If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
