they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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