Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
