I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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