I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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