Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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