The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
