wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
