I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
