Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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