Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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