you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
