Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
