I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
