you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
